Up Seven Flights Of Stairs

A struggle to accept the unacceptable.

I wasn’t sure what to say that day,
I wasn’t sure what to think.
My mind, for once, was quiet,
As I stood there on the brink.
I know what I was doing,
I know that it was right.
Like I said, my mind was silenced,
As I turned there left and right.
I used to know how to do this
I used to know how to play
That useless act of pretending
That everything is okay.
I want to scream and shout
I want to understand
What was it I wonder
That I needed so bad?
I spin in hopeless circles,
I spin inside my head.
Again I find myself here,
And I doubt it is my last.
I run back down the stairs to class-
I run to reach the bottom.
Because as soon as I do, I know
It will pop into my mind and
I will remember.
I will scold myself throughly and head back up.
Putting the key into the door once more,
my body fills with dread
I hate feeling this way, and
I hate doubting myself
But I can’t help but wonder
What was so important
up seven flights of stairs?