Inside joke

My troublesome times. Confusion is not wonderful.

calm once again, keep me far from this pain
loving you is pure, its what keeps me going
loving you is insane, always looking for my blame
loving you is a runaway train

keep it sour keep it sweet, another dark warm retreat
i know what i want i know what i need
tired of always being the first one to bleed
chewing and scathing, to run or to hide?
never nearly enough self righteous pride

awkwardly intense, knowing all your fears
lasting piercing eyes, blood soaked tears
to touch is to have, for a brief moment faked
troubling to some who's heart is at stake.

completely aware questions my next doubtful move
to stumble and fall proves nothing, nothing to lose
stronger now feeling less provoked
drives me to wonder is this some inside joke.