Anxiety: Mental &Emotional Disorder

In my opinion anxiety disorder is more an emotional disorder rather than mental.

Anxiety, a mental disorder
crushes your very soul;
tricks being played upon a mind
turn warmth into frigid cold.

         They say anxiety is a mental disorder, but in my opinion it should be considered an emotional disorder. Yes, it messes with your head, makes you think people are against you. Walking by crowds of people you imagine them staring. Whispers are ugly words about your apperance. Makes you look at yourself in the mirror and wonder what's wrong with what I'm wearing? Is my make-up smeared, a hair out of place, mix-matched socks, What? Are my ears too big, my nose too small, do I look fat or too thin?

         Most of the time I can handle it from strangers, but once it starts with friends, it's more emotional than mental. It rips at your heart and turns friends against you supposedly or you against friends. Questions arouse inside that most people don't ask themselves. When talking to friends you wonder; Did I say too much, too little? Where my comments comforting or hurtful? I wonder if they took what I said the wrong way. Did I not ask enough questions about them? Did I intrude on something personal?

         I tend to question their true feelings although they have told me what they are over and over again as if to pound it into my head. Wish it was that easy. One word in a whole sentence can send your heart and mind into a tither of stupid emotional questions, emotions, feelings. A joke made in reference to something I say begins to feel like it wasn't a joke, but their true feelings. Of course they can say lol, laughing my ass off, just kidding or was just joking, but by then it's too late. The damage has started. Anxiety has taken control and runs it's own course. In the end, it makes me say things I wish I never would have.

          Friends start questioning the trust I hold for them, eventually leading to fights that never get resolved. Sometimes even if resolved, their feelings have diminished. Most give up because I hurt them as much as they hurt me. I change my behavior, mood, expressions. I judge my own feelings. Do I, should I, could I have. They are all questions coming from the mind, but they start and eventually end in the heart.