Broken

About a distraught relationship with my mother

My father I never knew him.
He died when I was young.
I have no memories to keep inside.
And it hurts but I carry on.

Being gay I know it's not ideal.
The life she would've chose for me.
But, my mother the one I care for the most.
Just can't seem to care for me.

And sometimes I'm filled with so much rage.
I can't contain it, and I hurt myself.
And i feel if my own mom can't love me.
How can I love myself?

She's said so many hurtful things to me.
My heart feels dead inside.
And at night instead of drifting to sleep.
I sit up and write, and cry.

It's easier to write for the whole world to see.
Than having a conversation with my mother.
And, how wrong is it that I sometimes wish.
I had the opportunity to choose another.

Don't get me wrong she's not all bad.
Sometimes things are okay.
But, it feels like a part of my soul is missing.
And I hate to feel this way.

So I'll go on pretending like im fine .
So that nobody else will know.
And hopefully one day i'll find.
The pieces that will make me whole.