The Fourth Step to Recovery

Frustrated, working on my fourth step

A fearless and searching moral inventory
Time to confess to myself my story
The wrongs the rights, all the actions
Not just the whole numbers, but the fractions

Deeper and deeper to find it all
Something more that high and withdrawl
The childhood, the teens, and the now
I gotta look but I don't know how

Can I see what I've blocked?
I've tried and tried, I'm kind of shocked
What is it I'm looking past
The first, the middle, or the last

All of the above, it's come to seem
Living life like it's just a dream
A night terror to tell it more
As I uncover the memories I store

What is it I'm looking for?
I've got the key, but can I open the door?