Reconciliation

A mother's reflections on God after the death of her child.

Since the death of my son
I have spent considerable time
Trying to make sense of my loss.

I wonder if this loss
Reflects some retribution
For past sins
Crimes of the spirit
Offensive to God?

Have I been punished?
Is this atonement?
Is there more to pay?

Or was this a random accident?
Does God not have control?

Or if he does...
Did he not hear my prayers?
Did he choose not to listen?

With so many questions,
How do I restore my faith?

With such a betrayal,
How can I again trust?

Can I reconcile
My relationship with God?

Do I even want to?

Yes, I think I do...

It's so lonely...

Without them both.