Not for you

Written for my dad who abandoned me before I was born.

Why must I struggle so hard
To get you to love me?
To make you see who I am
And who I need you to be?
Last night I cried for hours
Until finally claimed by sleep.
I cried for the promises
That you have refused to keep.
I cried for the little girl
Who truly missed her dad.
I cried for the grown woman
Who missed the things that others had.
A happy childhood,
A peaceful mind.
Someone who loves me
And someone who’s kind.
I have always been struggling
To keep from being torn in two.
Constantly ripped apart
By my mother and by you.
What did I do to deserve this?
I really wish I knew.
Was my birth truly a mistake
Or was a kid just not for you?