Love(less?)

This is an ok love poem(for me). I'm going to write another one.

Love, I can't evade it.
I hate it, despise it.
Love equals betrayal.
Foolishness and naivity.

Yet, I beg for it.
Love's touch, a gentle kiss.
I am also afriad.
Afraid of being hurt.

Even so, I can't love.
My body, my mind restrict it.
For I am diseased.
The sickness restrains me.

Can I survive without affection?
Without intimacy, can I exist?
I try to carry on without it.
How long can I defend my heart?