Torn

After leaving for college I was torn between my life back home and my new life at school.

Torn

I wish I didn’t exist
that I could fade away and erase my past
build a time machine
and convince my mother to get an abortion

Just because the scars aren’t on my wrists
doesn’t mean they don’t exist

You will never see how badly I’ve hurt myself
because I can hate myself enough
to ensure you will never love me

I am torn in two directions
pulled into two separate circles of Hell
which would be worse
let you rip me to pieces
or kill myself before you have the chance?

You think you could love me
but it’s all a façade
you might think you love the mask
but it’s hollow…

empty…

You don’t have to hurt me
I’ve done enough damage on my own