Names and the Mind

My friend saw my poem, but doesn't go on here. This is her version of the poem.

Nobody even knew my name...
no one understood my game
And as I stood in the rain crying no one came
Whispers of fear and hate
Coming through the garden gate
Fears and anger truth and lies
And every day someone dies
Secrets untold secrets unknown
And still you use that dull old tone
hiding behind a torn old book
with your eyes holding the long lost look
Fear of pain deep within
from your friends and from your kin
a pattern of lies a pattern of dreams
and now you muffle my painful screams
running around and through a dark veil
then down pours the painful hail
my love is gone but here you stand
in this now forgotten land

((I'm trying to convince her to come on here, but she's afraid that she's going to be ripped apart and her writing is going to be hated. I told her I would post this as an example. I'm going to forward all of your reviews to her.

Keep in mind, THIS IS NOT MINE! I repeat, IT IS NOT MINE!))