This is a collection of poems written in 1990, which my therapist just discovered, and which show how far Iβve come from the frightened creature that I was as that time. They reflect the knowledge that cutting was a behavior that had to stop, yet it took fifteen years for me to finally accomplish that goal (although the blades still call to me). These were written after my sixth and longest hospitalization, which lasted eighteen weeks. During that time I became totally institutionalized, and the fear I expressed about living in the βrealβ world again were quite justified