Days before college

The college I want to go to, is proving to be hard to pay for.

Give me a reason to smile.
You painted one on my lips.
With no one to reach out to
I was only able to shed blood.
Give me a reason to smile.
When my world seems to be falling
down.
I guess I'm not good enough.
You once told me I could do anything.
I was smart and talented.
Now all I get is yelling.
I am no longer all that bright.
Every pain is all my fault.
Secretly, I'm hurting too.
Carrying all this guilt,
I need somewhere else to bottle it.
One mistake, I'm branded for life.
Everyday, that brand burns.
Give me a reason to try to
smile.
I don't feel like it.
So don't tell it is for my own good.
Don't tell me I am overreacting.
Don't tell me it is all in my head.
How can I smile when behind the door
the brush has bruised my arm, and
tears rushing down my face?
My image in mirror I hate.
I stare at the brush; I hate myself.
I just lost control.
I need to bury the evidence.
I'm tried of being brought alive,
only to want to die.
I have no reason to smile.