This week: Morning Edited by: Robert Waltz  
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2. A Word from our Sponsor
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Morning is wonderful. Its only drawback is that it comes at such an inconvenient time of day.
—Glen Cook
Some mornings, it's just not worth chewing through the leather straps.
—Emo Philips
When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, 'Did you sleep good?' I said 'No, I made a few mistakes.'
—Steven Wright |
I'm a morning person.
Midnight to sunrise is morning, see, and that's when I prefer to be awake.
I've never enjoyed waking up early. When I was a kid and I had to be at school at the ungodly cow-milking hour of 8am, my dad (who always got up early) would try to rouse me at the even ungodlier hour of 6.
He'd push into my room and order me to "Rise and shine!"
I'd grumble, "PICK ONE!" and roll over to catch a precious five more minutes before he'd burst in again. Eventually, he'd have to pull the covers off, and since his cheap ass would keep the house at a balmy 60 degrees F in winter, I finally, reluctantly, got up. In time to catch the school bus. Usually.
I finally got him back when I got a summer job that required being onsite at sunrise (I didn't like it, but I liked the money). I'd wake myself up with a timer on my stereo that would blast heavy metal when it was still fully dark and my parents were asleep. Sure, it annoyed my mom, too, but I considered that collateral damage.
Now, having finally worked long enough to retire, I've discovered my true circadian rhythm, which is to sleep when I'm tired and wake up when I'm not tired anymore. By ritually smashing my alarm clock, I was finally able to heal my childhood trauma and free myself from the tyranny of the majority. Even my cats don't get to wake me up before I'm good and ready.
Sure, there are times when I have to be somewhere at some specified time, like doctor appointments (you get a lot more of those after retirement). For that, I have my mobile phone with its alarm function. I haven't been able to bring myself to smash that yet. When it wakes me up, I reluctantly rise.
But it can't make me shine. |
Some funnies for your morning (or afternoon or night):
PLUG:
NaNoWriMo is NoMo (no more), but we're still writing here, and Prepping in October! Sign-ups open on September 1.
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Comedy: August 13, 2025 Issue [#13287]
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"Don't be unfunny." That actually makes sense. Look for humor and you'll always find it. Now, if I can just do the same with "Don't be poor." 
