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Review #4834333
Viewing a review of:
 An Armada of Leaves Open in new Window. [E]
The mind at play.
by Thomas Emile Vaughen Author Icon
Review by LdyPhoenix Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Greetings Thomas Emile Vaughen Author IconMail Icon -

*Bullet*This is review of "An Armada of Leaves" Open in new Window..*Bullet*
This review is given in the spirit of fellowship, and to help improve each other's writing.
It by no means is meant to cause harm by the opinions expressed within.
Please take what you feel is constructive and discard the rest.


[ First Thoughts ]

         I loved how you framed this piece. I especially appreciate how the scope of the poem starts with such pictorial intensity, but slowly scales down into the mind of the narrator as the world moves around their fantasy. It was an excellent use of imagery, and I was riveted by it.

         There is a sense of melancholy to this poem. Even when imagining the fantastical, the world is a somewhat harsh place. But I got the sense that the narrator wanted more from life than just their next payday. They wanted purpose. Meaning. Even if that meaning was bittersweet.

[ Errors ]

         I found one minor error while reading your poem that can be easily fixed.

         In Line 2: "Long passed (past) living, these ships stir in the wind..."

[ Suggestions ]

         The structure and rhythm of your poem are excellent. I have no notes or suggestions. *ThumbsUpGreen*

[ Favorite Line/Segment ]

"The armada of leaves is anchored on the puddle.
Long passed living, these ships stir in the wind,
a ghoulish testament to the giant protruding towers
which birthed them..."


         The first stanza was such a bold start. I was immediately drawn into the poem with your use of vivid description. In a way, it was cinematic, especially as it continues to reveal something more grounded in everyday life.

[ Conclusion ]

         It is easy to get lost in the hustle and forget to take in everything around you. I can see where wanting to step beyond the mundane into something more adventurous would be a nice break, especially when inspiration can be found all around when the time is taken and the imagination is curious. This serves as a poetic reminder to continuing dreaming.

         Thank you for sharing your lovely poem. Write on!



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