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 Review #4833528 |
 | Birthday Party  [E] A young man struggles with his fears about standing out from the crowd.  |
| (4.5)| Greetings, Jess! I found this item by doing a keyword search for "birthday" for a reviewing challenge, and found this item at the 13+ or under ratings  I love the thoughtful way you've shown us inside the young man's head, as he considers the consequences of sticking up for his values in the close-knit office environment. It's so typical and relatable for anyone with some level of spirituality and religious observance. I feel much the same, wondering what other people think of me in the workplace as I quietly stand out from the others by my avoidance of party culture, bad jokes and also my dress habits. I was wondering why he felt the irritation at his Mormon coworker; from my experience, the general purity culture of both Mormons and JWs should overlap in some broad ways, and they should perhaps feel a sense of brotherhood, of being outsiders in a worldly culture. Although I don't think Mormons have any objections to birthday parties in theory, only to the things that go on at parties. So perhaps the annoyance is that the Mormon can attend the party without bothering his conscience, but the narrator can't. Also, this is written in such a way, I almost thought it was autobiographical from the opening lines. Perhaps you should bring us more into his head immediately at the beginning, setting up place and situation, rather than opening in the middle of his quirky ramble that could just as well be an essay hook. Also, I feel as though it's more of a vignette than a complete story. We get a glimpse of the young man's feelings, a look at his thoughts chasing each other around in his head, but there is no resolution at the end, nor even a clear beginning or middle. The conflict is there, but nothing happens: no character development, no dialogue, no real interaction. Perhaps the story could be pushed further to explore different angles of the interaction between the secular work environment and spirituality. I feel as though the most important parts are left out. Maybe he could even discover that Janet is also a JW... There are lots of options. Other than that, this was an excellent and relatable read. Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing     My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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