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 Review #4830587 |
 | The Yellow wall  [E] Chapter 1 Escape. A chapter from my Novel. please read and comment. Much needed.  |
| Review of The Yellow Wall by imaginestuff Hello, imaginestuff. I am robrayl, and it's my pleasure to have read your story. My review of your story is as follows: ("These are my own opinions and do not reflect the views of all readers.") 📋 Relatable or not: While the subject matter is intense and not personally relatable to me in a literal sense, the emotions are. The overwhelming fear, the desperate need to survive, and the enduring bond between a mother and son are powerful and universal themes. The story taps into the primal human instinct to fight for life and the deep emotional connections that can motivate us even in our darkest moments. I can see this story being closely relatable to anyone who has overcome a significant and terrifying challenge. 🍀 Setting and Atmosphere: The atmosphere you've created is tense and claustrophobic. The "dark, cold fall night" and the "oppressive frigid tunnel" of the forest feel like a character in themselves, an additional threat Sarah must face. You’ve used sensory details—the burning gash, the feeling of cold, and the sound of a snapping twig—to place the reader directly in Sarah's shoes. The abrupt shift from the dark forest to the "bright room with white walls" in the hospital creates a stark and effective contrast, highlighting the shift from terror to a fragile safety. This contrast underscores the emotional journey of both Sarah and David. 🧙‍♂️ Characters: Your portrayal of Sarah is raw and powerful. Her desperation and resilience are palpable. Her internal monologue, filled with both terror and determination, makes her feel incredibly real. The shift in her motivation from pure survival to the thought of her son is a particularly poignant and effective moment. The characterization of the villain as an unnamed "monster" is also effective. By not giving him a name or backstory, you keep him a faceless, primal source of evil, which makes him even more terrifying. David is also a compelling character. His innocence and confusion contrast with the horrific events, and his quiet struggle to understand what happened is heartbreaking. The detail of him holding his teddy bear adds a layer of tender vulnerability. 📜 Dialogue: The pacing of the chase scene is excellent. The short, breathless sentences mirror Sarah’s panic, and the sudden quiet moments build a palpable sense of dread. The dialogue is sparse but impactful. The villain’s lines, like "Saaaaarraaaahhh..." feel chillingly authentic. The shift to the second part of the story, though, felt a little jarring. The philosophical monologue about "rooms" and their meaning, while interesting, pulls the reader out of the immediate, tense narrative. You could try to integrate this theme more subtly, perhaps through David's or Sarah's observations, without the direct, expository prose. For example, instead of the paragraph about rooms, you could have started the second part directly from David's perspective, letting the different settings of the police station and hospital room tell the story of hope and healing on their own. Final Thoughts: "The Yellow Wall" is a gripping story of survival and the powerful bond between a mother and her child. Your writing is excellent at building tension and creating a strong sense of place and emotion. The first half of the story is particularly strong and a masterclass in suspense. While the second part could be integrated more smoothly, the emotional core of the story remains powerful and deeply moving. So, that's it! Keep writing—you're on a good pace. Warm regards, Robrayl  My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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You responded to this review 08/20/2025 @ 3:04pm EDT