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 Review #4821259 |
| (4.5)  HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews ~ Summer Break"   First Impressions: That was a very sweet story. The girl was anxious about riding the big horse again after being away for a while, and who could blame her, especially as Butch seemed to have grown a lot in that time. She probably had, too, but compared to the horse, she didn’t even notice that. But the horse seemed to know exactly how she was feeling and did his best to alleviate her fear. I liked the way you described what the horse was doing, almost as if he were human and could understand, but you still let him behave like an animal. There seemed to be a special bond between the horse and the humans. The narrator, the girl’s grandmother, was an interesting character. She knew it would be good for Kimmy to overcome her fear, and she offered support and the opportunity to do it, but she wasn’t pushy. Had Kimmy not done it, that would have been okay as well. I was chuckling when she thought about Kimmy’s mother. At first, she was just a ‘city girl’, and later she thought about her as Kimmy’s ‘citified mother’. At one point though, she suspected that it was her fault that Kimmy was afraid, which told me that there was no love lost between the two women.  Suggestions: The story was well written and I only noticed a few small errors: The old place just isn’t the same The story was written in past tense but here, you switched to present tense. The same happened again a bit later in this sentence: I think that horse misses Kimmy just as much as I do a subtle hint of how did you know This didn’t read quite right without setting off the thought in some way. Italics might work, or quotation marks maybe. I had to hold in myself in check The “in” after “hold” shouldn’t be there.  Final Thoughts: The story had a happy ending with a nice message. As a children’s story, it worked well to tell them that it’s worth trying to overcome your fears and enjoy something you would otherwise miss out on. Here, the grandmother was on hand for support and encouragement, which she provided gently, but she let the girl make the decision for herself. A good story!
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