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 Review #4781081 |
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| (5.0)  HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"   First Impressions: The first thing I noticed was the descriptions. They were excellent and worked very well to show the readers what was happening (almost a little too well) and, more importantly, where it was happening. The main character was nicely drawn too. He came across as confident and knowledgeable, not someone who took risks (as evidenced by the bells he had tied to his backpack). He must have thought it was safe, and he didn’t see the attack coming. The second half of the story was no less scary. The officer didn’t seem to have as much purpose as the person he was looking for - he trudged idly, smoking a cigarette, and wasn’t really concerned - and he wasn’t as well prepared, either. The readers knew at this point what was out there so they wouldn’t give the officer good odds of surviving the search. He was bumbling about, unperturbed by the setting sun and thinking about the TV programme he planned to watch. Interestingly, you left the ending open. There was an outside chance he might have gotten his weapon ready in time and killed the beast, which announced his approach with the jingling bells - a really scary idea, by the way, and enough to creep out the readers.  Suggestions: The story was well written and I didn’t spot any errors. You didn’t say if this was written for a contest, but if it was, I would suggest saying which contest and what the prompt was. I always find it interesting to know what inspired a story. Since I don’t have any suggestions how to improve this tale, I’m going to point out a sentence I thought was particularly well done: At the moment, Chris’s whole world was the five feet of trail in front of him illuminated by his headlamp – an endless barrage of roots and rocks marking the narrow footpath of the Long Trail. I liked that line because I could imagine it so well, and it worked to show the readers the scene - the tiny bit of the path Chris could see at night, the roots and rocks so it wasn’t an easy hike. It immediately made it clear to the readers that this wasn’t a walk in the park, figuratively speaking, and also set the scene for what was to come.  Final Thoughts: I thought this was an excellent read. I liked the structure, the two parts telling two different characters’ stories that were linked together by the beast, and despite being quite short, I felt I got to know the characters quite well. A good story!  My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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