It is a good story, but it suffers from formatting issues that make it difficult to read. First, every time you go to a new person's dialog you need to start a new paragraph. Second, you definitely need a new paragraph for the beginning of a flashback or a return from one.
Third, paragraph breaks also occur at subject shifts.
Basically it is a huge lump of text that needs more of a break up so it can be followed. Also, minor point but on this website it is usually a good idea to put an extra return between paragraphs so you can tell them apart.