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 Review #4566133 |
  I am reviewing your entry for the July Story Round of "The Prompt Me Contest"  . This month's prompt is:July Story Challenge! Include June's winning prompt in bold... Please include the following prompt somewhere in your story of 1000 words or less. Ellen saw a blackbird singing to her even when she closed her eyes at night.  My reviews are intended to be helpful and encouraging, not hurtful in any way.  Use what you feel works for you, and leave the rest.  Title The black bird  More often than not, the rule normally is, the subject, noun, adjective, or verb in a title should begin with a capital letter in a title. Also the first and last word.  The Black Bird First Impression This is a story about Ellen and her family who visits the beach and Ellen keeps seeing a big black bird she refers to as an eagle. No one believes her until the very end, when they spot a group of black eagles trying to catch children. It was easy to follow along. What I Liked  The italic font gave it a certain feel that worked for me. I especially liked the facts you incorporated with info on sea turtles and shells. Your descriptions were good and I could smell the jasmine perfume! I enjoyed all the dialogue, too, which for me, keeps the story rolling smoothly. Suggestions It contains ten wide chambers You switched from past to present tense in Paragraph 2. Easy fix though! It contained ten wide chambers “A black big bird!” She said In Paragraph 5, you do not need to cap the S in She after the dialogue. A dialogue tag never needs to be capitalized unless you begin it with a proper name (example of proper name: Ellen said.) I noticed you've done this a few other times, too, so you might want to browse through to catch and correct these tags. “A black big bird!” she said over there”, Ellen said Pararagraph 5: The comma should stay within the quotation marks. Plus, be sure to add a period after said. over there,” Ellen said. “Good morning dad!” She said In your 7th paragraph, you'll want to add a comma after morning for pause before addressing dad (and cap the D.) “Good morning, Dad!” she said There where a myriad of multicolored shells. In Paragraph 10, where should be replaced by was.There was a myriad of multicolored shells. “A big black eagle was flying catching a sharp”. In Paragraph 13, did you mean shark instead of sharp? Make sure you insert your period on the inside of the quotation mark. “A big black eagle was flying, trying to catch a shark”. (I reworded this sentence as a possibility for you to consider.) Final Thoughts I enjoyed the story and all its visuals! There's some editing you might want to do which mostly consists of punctuation and other easy fixes. If you read this out loud, you might catch sight of a few other things I didn't mention. Next time, be sure to bold the prompt within your story. All in all, a nice piece most anyone would enjoy reading. Good job and best of luck in the contest! Have a great day and... K e e p on W r i t i n g ! Cubby ")
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You responded to this review 08/24/2020 @ 10:29am EDT