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Review #4446093
Viewing a review of:
 Devil of the Ocean Open in new Window. [18+]
Screams 11-20 prompt: story opening with: It was a dark and stormy night. Word count: 492
by NeedingBeachDuf 🐠⛵🏝️ Author Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
         *Pumpkin2* Greetings, NeedingBeachDuf 🐠⛵🏝️ Author Icon! I found your item, "Devil of the Ocean" Open in new Window., in Random Reviews and decided to review it. *Smile*

         First of all, my reviews are intended to be helpful and encouraging, not hurtful in any way. *Smile* Use what you feel works for you, and leave the rest.

My First Impression
         It was a dark and stormy night... I'll never tire of that opening line! *Bigsmile* You've done a great job setting the scene in this piece. I followed along easily with your great visuals and tense atmosphere.

Punctuation/Grammar/Typos
         I did not notice any issues here.

Suggestions/Thoughts
         Your descriptions were great! I just have a humble suggestion beginning in your fourth paragraph: The waves were between eight and ten feet and obscured the view You might consider rewording this... The eight to ten feet waves obscured the view
         Also in paragraph 5: She looked up every few strokes and hurled unrealistic requests and could read... Glancing up every few strokes, she hurled unrealistic requests and These are only humble suggestions, not corrections.

         *Starb* My favorite line:
                             The clocking wind caused the boat to stall.
         I love this line! While you could have used words such as charging wind or assaulting wind, your choice of clocking wind really took hold of me. Great choice of words!

*Thumbsup* Nicely written! I hope my suggestions were helpful. *Smile*

Have a great day and...
*Pumpkin2*  K e e p on W r i t i n g ! *Pumpkin2*
~Cubby ")
Ghost House Simply Positive signature.


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