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Review #4445813
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Rated: | (4.0)
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         *Pumpkin2* Greetings, Joylife Author Icon! I found your item, "Invalid Item" Open in new Window., in Random Reviews and decided to review it. *Smile*

         First of all, my reviews are intended to be helpful and encouraging, not hurtful in any way. *Smile* Use what you feel works for you, and leave the rest.

My First Impression
         Well written. This flash fiction piece flows along nicely with little distractions. The ending reveals the answer to two questions: Why the nightmares? and Who killed the couple? I'm impressed with all the information packed into 261 words. *Smile*

Punctuation/Grammar/Typos
         I noticed no grammar errors in this piece, but one area that needs punctuation: His favorite the parade, honored him. I would add a comma after favorite for pause: His favorite, the parade, honored him.

Suggestions/Thoughts
         In the first paragraph, the following sentence felt awkward: Sweat drops trailed his cheeks. You might consider something similar to Persperation trickled down his cheeks. or something like that, though it's entirely up to you. *Wink*
         I also took notice that you begin in past tense and switch to present tense about half way though. You might consider using present tense right from the beginning. This is entirely up to you, however. *Smile*
         Again, this little flash fiction piece is well written. It's not easy to tell a story in so few words. Great job! *Bigsmile*

         *Starb* My favorite line:
                             To the outside, the town could be a Rockwell painting.
         I loved this line! A Norman Rockwell painting was a great description for this town on the 4th of July.

*Thumbsup* Nicely written! I hope my suggestions were helpful. *Smile*

Have a great day and...
*Pumpkin2*  K e e p on W r i t i n g ! *Pumpkin2*
~Cubby ")
Ghost House Simply Positive signature.


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   *CheckG* You responded to this review 10/17/2018 @ 6:16am EDT
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