Hi Dragon is hiding ,

This review is a part of "a very Wodehouse challenge"  [E].

Overall Impression:

This is a fun little piece, Dragon! A lady is about to go on vacation, but the person in front of her is taking ages, and when she finally gets to the counter it turns out that she's forgotten her passport. That's one fear I always have - despite checking and checking again I always worry that I have left it somewhere! So, I can relate to her feelings.

Luckily, help is at hand in the form of her brother. He's found the passport and is on his way, and he should make it on time! So, the woman can go on her journey after all. As a reader, I hope that the rest of her trip will be a whole lot more pleasant than how it started. Sometimes vacations aren't as restful as anticipated!

Suggestions:

I do have a few suggestions, Dragon! I hope that you will find them helpful!

First of all, I would suggest adding line breaks between the paragraphs. That will make the piece look more inviting, and it will be easier on the eyes of the reader.

Paragraph 1:

... to catch-come on, hurry up!

I suggest changing "catch-come" to "catch - come" as it's not one word - they're two words in an ongoing sentence.

Paragraph 2:

"Next"

I suggest adding either a period or an exclamation mark here.

Paragraph 6:

"Sorry m'am...

I think that "m'am" should be "Ma'am".

Paragraph 8:

"...playing-and..."

This should be "playing, and".

My Rating:

I enjoyed this little story. I liked the tone, and the modern feel to the dialogue. I was happy to read it.

I did have a few suggestions. Nothing major, though. Therefore, I will give this item a rating of 4 out of 5.

Thank you so much for sharing your work, and write on! *Smile*

Kit



My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .