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Review #4328827
Viewing a review of:
 The Terror of the Ocean Open in new Window. [13+]
In the deepest parts of the deepest ocean, a horrifying fate, is waiting.
by Redlive122 Author Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" Open in new Window.! *BalloonR*


Hello Redlive122!

I'm here to review your poem "The Terror of the Ocean" Open in new Window. as an official judge for "Newbies ONLY Short Story & Poem Contest" Open in new Window.. Thank you for entering!

Judges Sig

What I liked

I liked the flow of your poem and the nice rhymes you peppered throughout the verses. The theme is interesting. Who isn't interested in knowing what creatures might lurk in the deepest, darkest pits on our planet?

What might need work

I understand what you mean by "Nothing can survive there, nothing there is born." but it clashes with my thoughts in three ways: 1) if nothing is born there, where does this king beast come from? 2) it contradicts the opening stanza of this poem where "fish are all around", so clearly something DOES survive there 3) everybody knows there are mysterious animals deep under the sea that we've never cataogued, which is what makes it so fascinating. Anybody interested in the theme of your poem would actually know this, so I feel they would be similarly distracted by this statement.

In the line "Under the waters, where fish is all around" it should be "fish are all around" because ONE fish cannot be AROUND you, so you must mean fish plural.

In the line "The all mighty king" almighty is a compound word.

Conclusion — a summary of how this reader personally felt about your poem.

Overall, I did enjoy your poem, but I felt you could have made it a bit darker and more scary. Beware inconsistencies.

Thank you for entering this round of the contest. If you're still within your first six months of membership, I hope you'll enter this month's round, too!

If you haven't already joined a reviewing group, please consider becoming a member of Simply Positive.

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Good luck with the contest.

Best wishes,

Bob *Bigsmile*

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