such (a) hard journey
slips (into) a dream
out of (take our 'her') breath(either put a semi colon here or period and then start the next sentence)
What do you mean 'has no issue'? Nothing comeing out of it?
We know her heart beats, she's alive. Her heart beats (faster).
Usually it's (on) the horizon.
It resembles a gleam? You are saying it only looks like a gleam. If it was a gleam, say so.
I had to look up penumbra. It can be confused with the shadow of an eclipse. At the end of (the) penumbra.
One thing (on) her mind
out of such (a)dark place
The more she runs-The longer she runs
the more light gets near and near- just say 'the light gets nearer' or the light becomes brighter as she gets nearer.
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It's after midnight, I'm sorry I can't do more.
You have a good start on this.
Thanks for sharing.
love, LinnAnn