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 Review #4328214 |
 Welcome to WDC dartagnan! This cool item popped up on the Read and Review tab today.   Your title was intriguing and made me smile as we all have been accused of being crazy at one time or another. we do all have different POV.  Your tagline gives a good indicator of the intent of the speaker and does not give away the situation.The setting therefore was a surprise and you captured the speaker's home is a vivid way mid way through with details.  The voice is consistent all the way through and you make him coherent in his certainty he is not the crazy one. I like the way he points out the suit he wears with the idea that those who put it on have no idea how to do it...eg. no sleeves! "Idiots" insult works too. Priceless.The last line in that 4th verse is not grammatical. Is something missing?  The quatrain verses are short and the minimalist style suits the content. The rhyme scheme is intact though the first verse rhymes are not easy to flow.  The lack of punctuation works to add to the "chat" of the speaker's mind, yet I did wonder if some would add pause to the emotional lines where you ask questions or where lines are complete thoughts. It is a matter of choice here though, depending on the effect you want to have. It did not throw me out of the read as I could project into the lines.The first verse line 4 is a bit long compared to the rest. Even a shorter "but he's there" would flow better. I wondered if he was asking a question or making a statement with "you can't see him". eg. You can't seem him? He's right there> or You can't see him, but he is right there. This is where a bit of punctuation could help clarify and add drama.  Different nuance.Yet if he is in his mind and babbling, it doesn't really matter to him.  I really liked the original theme and clear argument of the speaker. We don't know what he looks like but get inside his head, which shows his state of mind. Thanks for sharing your vision and craft. Light on the path as you write on! eyestar ** Image ID #1815342 Unavailable **  My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!"  .
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You responded to this review 05/30/2017 @ 12:21pm EDT