Hello Rovera !

I'm here to review your short story {item: as an official judge for "Newbies ONLY Short Story & Poem Contest" . Thank you for entering!

Approaching this story, I'm searching for specific elements that I shall address under separate headers.



Hook — does your opening have something that grabs my attention and makes me want to read on?


The opening paragraph sets the scene, but it doesn't really contain either conflict, a big question the reader wants answered, or an extremely interesting point that grabs the reader's attention. Later there's implication of conflict between different groups using the inn, and you might like to imply said conflcit in your opening paragraph in order to create the conflict.

Characters — do they feel like real people?


Talbata is clearly the star of this story, and she really is a character. You have successfully hinted at her skills and personality. However, you don't really explain why she left her village, which is an interesting question for anybody, and also don't show what she looks like. To say she's a "halfling" doesn't really do this. I mean, I presume you mean she's a hobbit, but if so there's so much more you can do to show her short stature or perhaps her initial discomfort at sleeping above ground until she got used to it etc.

Plot — does your story contain a clear plot with a strong resolution?


This read more like the introduction to a character than an actual story. The conflict is incidental and peripheral to the main focus of showing the character's personality and lifestyle. That's not always a bad thing, for example as a novel chapter, but here where you're presenting a really short, short story, some strong central conflict plus resolution would be nice.

Pace — does your story feel like it's going somewhere?


Because there's no central conflict and it's mainly description, it doesn't feel like much is happening.

Language and voice — can a reader feel your story?


Some beautiful description and generally clear. However, this is a mainly told scene rather than showing a story in the moment it's happening. It's always looking backward at a general and almost abstract series of events unconnected by a clear timeline.

She would say cheerfully, with sweat springing from the bandana that she would always wear. - sometimes it's necessary to use a weak verb for tense or "voice", but don't use them when you don't have to, and especially don't use two in one sentence. - She'd say with a grin, sweat dripping from her bandana.

These and other countless less memorable events ironically increased the fame of the place, therefore attracting more adventurers, in a vicious cycle. - why use "vicous cycle" when she's clearly happy about the inn being busy and a spring of gold?

Settings — have you grounded this reader in 'real' scenes?


Great details, but don't forget sensory information, such as the stench of the city when compared to the Shire and the smell of minotaur blood on the balcony etc.

Themes — is this reader blown away by mind-blowing philosophy or originality?


THere are some nice, original ideas in here, such as the cool oven.

Conclusion — a summary of how this reader personally felt about your story.


If this were a story chapter, I'd grade it higher because in many ways it's a fine piece of writing with an interesting protagonist. As a stand alone story, I don't think it really works. It really feels part of something much bigger, and incomplete on its own, imho.

Thank you for entering this round of the contest. If you're still within your first six months of membership, I hope you'll enter this month's round, too!

If you haven't already joined a reviewing group, please consider becoming a member of Simply Positive.

FORUM

Simply Positive Review Forum   (E) A group dedicated to spreading honesty and positivity. #1384147 by Simply Positive

Good luck with the contest.

Best wishes,

Bob





My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .