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Review #4311584
Viewing a review of:
 
So When Open in new Window. [E]
A procrastination poem. Third place winner in Newbie contest. Tweaked a little. Thanks.
by drgn_kpr Author Icon
Review of So When  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" Open in new Window.! *BalloonR*


Hello drgn_kpr!

I'm here to review your poem "So When" Open in new Window. as an official judge for "Newbies ONLY Short Story & Poem Contest" Open in new Window.. Thank you for entering!

Judges Sig

What I liked

There were some very clever thoughts injected into this poem, like how "space" is conquerable but "time" isn't, and it can't be saved and earns no interest. I loved "This instant! Now, becomes then!" Great stuff. The rhythm and flow were also nice.

What might need work

I wasn't sure about the hard end of each line, ie. ending each line with a period or other punctuation to make it a separate sentence. I'm guessing that was deliberate to give the impression of time moving fast, like the tick and tock of a clock. I wondered about your spelling of tic and toc, too. Unusual, but I suspect you had your reasons.

Here's the question my friend - when someone is addressed, place a comma between their name or title and what's said to them, ie. "Here's the question, my friend."

Conclusion — a summary of how this reader personally felt about your poem.

There are many interesting ideas in your poem and no significant faults to distract the reader.

Thank you for entering this round of the contest. If you're still within your first six months of membership, I hope you'll enter this month's round, too!

If you haven't already joined a reviewing group, please consider becoming a member of Simply Positive.

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Good luck with the contest.

Best wishes,

Bob *Bigsmile*

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
   *CheckG* You responded to this review 03/28/2017 @ 10:32pm EDT
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