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Review #4311583
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Hello justsonali!

I'm here to review your poem "Invalid Item" Open in new Window. as an official judge for "Newbies ONLY Short Story & Poem Contest" Open in new Window.. Thank you for entering!

Judges Sig

What I liked

I love the flow and theme of your poem. The structure is also simple but sweet. The rhyme is good where it works.

What might need work

A few notes:

"Time" and "behind" don't actually rhyme, but there is assonance, I suppose, with the "i" sound. They're certainly similar and so I think you can get away with the pairing. If you want to look up what rhymes with what, rhymezone is a great place to look:

http://www.rhymezone.com/r/rhyme.cgi?Word=behind&typeofrhyme=perfect&org1=syl&or...

of something which we didn't knew. - Unfortunately, "knew" is the incorrect tense here, and you really need "know", which sadly doesn't rhyme with "to"

that we get strain. -> that we feel strain.

as the time itself teaches us to be. - cut "the"

Conclusion — a summary of how this reader personally felt about your poem.

This is a clever poem, which I really like, but it needs some editing.

Thank you for entering this round of the contest. If you're still within your first six months of membership, I hope you'll enter this month's round, too!

If you haven't already joined a reviewing group, please consider becoming a member of Simply Positive.

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Good luck with the contest.

Best wishes,

Bob *Bigsmile*

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   *CheckG* You responded to this review 04/11/2017 @ 1:26am EDT
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