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Review #4310706
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Review by Azrael Tseng Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
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Hi PandaPaws Licensed VetTech Author IconMail Icon, I'm really glad I found this. Here's what I *Heart* about "Invalid Item" Open in new Window. -

1) The title. Fantastic title that grabs the reader immediately, not only conveying a sense of urgency, but as the line is repeated in the poem it changes its tone to one of exuberant pride and admiration.*CheckB*

2) The depiction of the action. The scene plays out like the evacuation scene right out of 'Platoon'. I could imagine Willem Dafoe as the medic, carrying a wounded soldier across his shoulders as the Vietcong pursue him with bullets and explosions pounding the ground. Heart-thumping stuff here.*CheckB*

3) The resolution. The repetition of the titular lines at the very beginning and at the end gives a sense of the ceaseless nature of the medic's job. Subtle and yet effective. Great technique.*CheckB*


Here's what would get this a higher rating from me:
I'm no poet laureate or expert, so this is only my personal response and opinion. If I wanted to convey a greater sense of the chaos in battle, I would not have chosen a regular rhyme scheme for the poem, or at least not rhyming couplets which are too stable and are most commonly associated with children's rhymes. But that would be my choice.
There are also several instances where the rhyme is not perfect, e.g. 'scene' and 'team', 'midst' and 'missed' just to name a few. Working out these would make this great poem even better for me!


Thanks for a great read!

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