Hello, paddy1!

*Groan* Just when I thought you were a proper good writer, you go and write a poem!

What I liked

Awesome visions of spring and nature, though a lot of it was man's messing in nature rather than real nature, but I like that. Beautiful vocabulary choices. I like the flow of the poem - it's cool.

What might need work

I don't know to what extent you wish to mirror the haiku form within each tercet, but in traditional haiku form there's a reversal, so two lines reflect one theme while the other line something opposite or opposing. Also, with the traditional sonnet, the end couplet traditionally forms a refersal, saying the opposite or arguing against what came before. Your poem does not do this, but I've noticed the examples given on the website don't necessarily do this either, so it's your call, my friend.

flourish purple spear heads - there are only six syllables in this line rather than the traditional seven

New life springs from winter's remnants / fresh season renews annual covenants. - there's no requirement in this form for the end couplet to rhyme. In all the examples given, the syllable count was either five or seven on each line. Your eight syllables followed by eleven breaks the given form somewhat. Maybe you want your poem to stand out in this way, but I thought I ought to point it out.

Thank you for sharing!

Best wishes,

Bob




My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .