Hello, paddy1

What I liked

Wonderful personification and some fabulous images. Near flawless narrative, and a great voice. Fantastic, imho.

What might need work

Sometimes the narrative is a little verbose, using "of course" when it's not really necessary or telling what you've just shown. For example, "and wait for the revelation, my heart beating like a metronome from all the anticipation". - here, a discerning reader will understand why her heart is beating loud, so the last four words are redundant.

I was a little disappointed at the end that you didn't show how the mannequin is dressed THIS year. There was a huge build up to the unveiling, but then you didn't deliver the goods, leaving me feel a little let down as a reader.

Thank you for sharing!

Best wishes,

Bob



My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .