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Hi, 🌝 HuntersMoon!

I am the Wordy Jay , and this (hopefully) awesome review is brought to you by "The Mad Dash Contest" . I'm also reviewing your work as part of the "Invalid Item" .


Hmm . . . I'm starting to see why you're being featured as one of Power's Comedy Writers for February's festivities! You have quite a talent for the funnies, and this, right here, is my favourite piece!

Now, before we take the plunge, allow me to read you your rights...


The following review is just my 2 cents' worth!

Feel free to do whatever you wish with my opinions/suggestions --
whether it is to adopt them, discard them, or anything in between!

Ready? Here goes!

At First Glance

First Impression

I think this is an incredible response to the contest prompt -- what a creative "Invalid Item"  entry!
I'm impressed!


Emotional Reaction




What Worked?

Great plot. Great characters. Great story. What more can I say?!

An awesome twist on the "Musicians of Bremen"!

Reader Appeal

Title & Tagline

Pyramid Scheme
The farm was being foreclosed on. What to do?

Both the title and the tagline match the cover image beautifully. They also did a great job of arousing reader curiosity without giving too much away. Nice work!


Hook

Did you intrigue me right off the bat? Yes, sir, you did!

Hmm . . . talking animals, eh? Now, what kind of schemes could they possibly be cooking up?


Ending

Again, great punchline at the end. Well-played!

You're in possession of an awesome skill set here. No wonder you shine at comedy!

The Story

Story Idea

I think your take on the prompt is both comical and refreshing! The premise of the story is believable too. It's very much the modern version of the "Musicians of Bremen".


Setting

You laid out the setting effectively, right from the start. The author's note at the end was also a nice touch -- one must always be prepared to "enlighten" their readers.

There were no confusions. Good job!


Plot

Your story was very well-structured, and the pacing was excellent. All within the specified word count too!

You also took great care with the story, and as such, there were no plot holes. However, I just want to point out one teeny, tiny detail.

In the phone conversation at the end, a Cirque du Soleil representative said:

" . . . Quick, in six words or less, tell me about the members of your troupe,"

Since the ensuing reply by Barclay was waaaay longer than six words, how about changing up that line to:

" . . . Quick, in sixty seconds or less, tell me about the members of your troupe,"

Just a thought!


Action/Flow

Though there wasn't much "action" in the true sense of the word, your story moved along well, and there wasn't a single dull moment in it.

The Cast

Characters

With just the right touches, you've successfully brought all your characters to life! Whether it was via certain mannerisms of speech or unique physical behaviour, you showcased each animal's individual personality effectively.

Great character development within such a short space of words.


Dialogue

As much of your story is dialogue, you did an impressive job of showing the reader what was going on, injecting humour into the story, and developing all 4 characters -- just through conversation alone. Nice work!

Language

Style

You've really got a way with words -- all those double entendres! Your sense of humour is reflected in your writing, adding much flavour to your work.


Spelling/Grammar/Punctuation

I noticed that you spelled Cirque du Soleil as "Cirque de Soliel" in the story -- but not in the Author's Note. (Was that intentional?)

Other than that, I found no glaring mistakes.

Conclusion

Summary

Apart from a minor detail and a possible typo, I found your story to be well-written and an enjoyable read.


In a Nutshell

A creative and entertaining tale that's beautifully written -- I give you 5 stars!!



Well, I do hope you found my comments and suggestions helpful. Please know that this detailed critique was done in the spirit of support and encouragement.


All the best in your writing adventures!

Jay