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Review #4274954
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Review by Angus Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: | (4.5)
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Howdy, Bobric!
This kind of reminds me of Dustin Hoffman in Outbreak with the Ebola virus.
You did a great job with the dialogue here, as well as the descriptions (the rat going feet up in the jar). That opening paragraph about popcorn and the fish heads was hilarious, BTW!
I wasn't quite sure about the ending though. This, like your opponent's story today, didn't quite have the 'scare' in it, and the ending fell a little flat, at least for me. Unless I was going for a 'feel good' story.
Regardless, it was still very well written. I did see a few tiny niggles, though:
'It was so sore I wanted to give it it’s own shot of painkiller. (its)
'It had become a catalyze for instant environmental adaption.' (catalyst-catalyze is a verb)
'This would take some getting used too.' (to)
Otherwise, good job.
Kee ponw ritin gon, Bobric, have a great day, and once again, welcome to WdC!

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#1300305 by Maryann Author IconMail Icon

Rawrrrr...

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