\"Writing.Com
*Magnify*
SPONSORED ITEMS
BY ONLINE AUTHORS
Printed from https://webx1.writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4267690
Review #4267690
Viewing a review of:
 Teleportation Day Open in new Window. [E]
This is only page one of something I'm putting together. Work in progress
by Patrick Colfax Author Icon
Review of Teleportation Day  Open in new Window.
Review by Angus Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" Open in new Window.! *BalloonR*

Greetings, Patrick Colfax!
I don't read sci/fi as much as I used to, but this is pretty good so far, although I'm not sure that it would be best suited for a Young Adult audience.
I like this idea of a man trying to find the answer to teleportation, and you did a nice job of keeping the action moving and the reader interested. My only concern is that it reads a lot more like a screenplay than an actual story, but that's just my opinion, and you're more than welcome to tell me to what I can do with that!
Seriously, I think you should continue with this. The spelling and grammar are excellent, and I think it's great that you're finally getting your words out and beginning to write. And I can guarantee you that you've come to the right place! Writing.Com rocks!
One tiny 'niggle' (that's our politically correct word for mistakes here):
"This was the only thing we've recovered from the blast(." The) man in the suit said...' (," the)
Otherwise, so far, so good.
Oh, and one other thing. If you ever need any help on here (it can be a little intimidating by how big this place is), feel free to ask ANYONE on here (if their envelope is white, that means they're online)! We're all on here to help each become better writers!
Kee ponw ritin gon, Patrick, and welcome to WdC! If you like to write, then you're going to love it here!
PS-You might want to get your bioblock (biography) set up so we can know a little something more about you (hobbies, interests, what kind of refrigerator you own, etc), but that's up to you, of course.

GROUP
The WDC Angel Army Open in new Window. (ASR)
Dedicated to promoting positivity, encouragement, and support to the WDC community.
#1188309 by iKïyå§amhain Author IconMail Icon

PPS-If you want more exposure for your items you can put them on the Please Review Page or The Plug Page under Community on the left hand side.

my signature


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
   *NoteR* You have not yet responded to this review. Ignore
Printed from https://webx1.writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4267690