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 Review #4265896 |
 | Please advise me on one!  [E] this is my first long term project. hope you enjoy! (please critique!)  |
| (4.0)  Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! Greetings, BeginnerMan01! I'm not as big a fan of sci/fi as I used to be, but this isn't bad for a rough draft and intro. But you need to go back over it and polish it up some. There's a few capitalization mistakes, and one of the words is missing a letter ('...the bodies of m parents were...). Also, you need to smooth it out a little. Your writing seems a bit stiff. Try to write as if you were telling this to somebody, not writing it down for somebody to read. In other words, be yourself. Those last two lines are good examples: 'Flogen is a tall plump man...'. How about, 'The president of G.S.F., Donald Flogen, who was rather plump and stood 6 foot 3, delivered that speech at the graduation ceremony.' Just a suggestion, and you can take it or leave it. Kee ponw ritin gon, Beginner. By the way, you'll find that the more you write, the easier it will come to you. Just try to be yourself, as if you're speaking directly to the person if front of you. Oh, and welcome to WdC! If you like to write, then you're going to love it here! PS-You might want to get your bioblock (biography) set up so we can know a little something more about you, but that's up to you, of course.
PS-If you want more exposure for your items you can put them on the Please Review Page or The Shameless Plug Page under Community on the left hand side.
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You responded to this review 10/12/2016 @ 1:42pm EDT