Hello B-T !

I'm your local Sb here reviewing on behalf of the Simply Positive group. I'm also reviewing as part of this Piratey event: "Invalid Item" . Let's get rolling!

Corrections/Suggestions
First impressions- I love the idea of this story with facing the WDC addiction. I like how we start out with what seems to be the whispering thoughts of temptation going on. At first, I thought that this was a man but now I'm wondering if this is a supernatural being talking to his cohorts about his WDC account? Then I'm guessing this may be the computer having a mind of its own and sending you to the site? I was a little confused about the voice in italics.

You groan and bicker with will get any better locked on your computer, for you and my eyes only?- The 'y' needs to be capitalized with 'you groan and bicker...'

And that is how it happened, folks. We seem to switch time with this reference and then we the readers are being talked to so the POV seems to change and shift. I don't know who is Jade talking to with this shift so this threw me off a little when we had this shift in the story.

I would maybe clarify that the computer is the one who is doing the logging in since I thought maybe this was a supernatural being. And, I thought maybe we were in Santa's workshop where his minions were kind of signing into this writing site on the side when Lucifer is mentioned. I don't know who the 'we' is that is mentioned for trying to help Jade with the addiction if this makes sense.

‘get me’.- period should be within '.'


Characters in Your Story

We seem to have Lucifer, Demitri, Jade who is the main character, and maybe some other characters since 'we' are mentioned with trying to save Jade from WDC. I was a little thrown off by this but that may just be me. Is Demitri a roommate, family member, a boyfriend? I'm not sure of his relationship to Jade and Lucifer is the computer. Though, it's kind of funny how the computer is called Lucifer and then Jade is like 'well, he's really not that bad. Even though he's called Lucifer.'

Things Which I Enjoyed
I like the humor in this piece and can relate to the addiction. I feel like you do a good job in the end to tie this story together really well and to get things wrapped up. That this person is basically like I chose this site I don't need this negativity anymore.

Overall Comments
Overall, I found this to be a fun story but I got a little confused about the different characters and Demitri's relation to Jade. It seems like Jade is admitting Lucifer is up to no good and then a sentence down is basically like hey, he's alright. Even though he has control over my computer and internet and keeps logging me into this site. So, it seems like they admit he is causing some mayhem and then is like 'it's alright, it's just Lucifer... you know. The computer and all that.' I'd just play with these areas but this is just a suggestion. I hope this little review is helpful for you. Thank you for sharing and keep on writing! =D

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My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .