Hello Mari McKee !

I'm your local Sb here and I'm reviewing you on behalf of the Simply Positive group. I'm also reviewing as part of this Piratey event: "Invalid Item" . Let's get rolling!

Corrections/Suggestions

First impressions- This piece about a railroad track had me thinking there was two guys, on a track, talking to each other somehow stuck on it together. Then I realized we are having two talking to each other, Ted and Chip, that are the tracks. Which is clever and a fun way to take on this personifying a railroad track.

I would play with this: It had rained while they slept and the ground around the tracks is muddy. removing the 'had' since it isn't needed and causes more of a passive voice within this sentence. So, my suggestion is:

It rained while they slept and the ground around the tracks became muddy.

There is a flipping of past tense to present tense within this story. Such as: Ted stared at Chip as if he is a moron. the we have another sentence that is present tense. If we are keeping the present tense consistent it should be 'Ted stares at...' with this sentence. I would also play with the usage of exclamation points since you convey the dismay from Ted's voice and I feel like they aren't needed as much as they're used.

I did get confused about who and what was going on. I know there's someone trying to derail them. The one Type A rail is very worried while the other one is pretty much like 'we're rails... not much we can do about this.' So, it is an interesting concept but I got a little more confused with what is happening at times.

Things Which I Enjoyed
The startled deer began bucking and kicking
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I think that this is both fun and funny that their whole plan was to get the deer to straighten them out. And, that they cared so much to make sure the train would go over them just right and had to moo, and make all sorts of weird noises to attract them. It was fun and funny and I did really like the humor in this piece.

Overall Comments
Overall, this story is a lot of fun though I did get confused at some points and I did have some suggestions that you could play with if you wanted to. Making a story about two rails talking to each other trying to get the other straight so the train can run over it right is a unique and enjoyable idea of how to personify these railroad tracks. I hope this little review is helpful for you. Thank you for sharing and keep on writing! =D

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My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .