Hi there,
I found your poem when looking for items about autism to review for "a very Wodehouse challenge" .


GENERAL:
This was a really interesting poem about your son. I found the chronological order to the poem gave it the feel of a story being told, almost like the old bards would use poetry and song to tell stories. I like how you told us what he would or wouldn't do, but didn't spell things out to us, allowing us to draw our own conclusions.

His speech was rushed and when ignored his voice was numb,
Then when sounds would overwhelm he would tap and hum.
You don't tell us what the 'explanation' is for the tapping and humming. It's just what he does. Nor do you suggest that any of his behaviour is negative - these are simply facts of life for your son. It's not good or bad, it's just who he is. There is a very definite negative tone for the reactions of others though. That comes through quite clear.


CONVENTION:
The poem is a La'ritmo, and I thank you for including a link to the form. There is a certain amount of repetition in the form, and I think you utilise it beautifully. It reinforces that idea that no matter what your son does, and no matter his behaviour, the reactions of others remain negative. It's such a terrible truth, but people do fear and dislike that which they don't understand. And for someone to be exposed to that over and over again, especially as a child, that's terrible. So yes, excellent use of repetition there.

The poem uses an AABB rhyme scheme. I couldn't make 'Trek' and 'Mac' rhyme, although I admit it could be due to my accent. If it works for you, that's fine, but if not, it might need adjusting.

The last stanza was the only one where I felt you let go of the 'storytelling' mode and instead expressed YOUR emotions regarding your son and the reactions he has received from people over the past 18 years. I really liked the 'human norms assembly line'. I think it would make the poem stronger to have more emotion in it, but without being able to compare it, it's just a guess. It might be worth playing with and seeing if it works.


GRAMMAR/SPELLING:
Doctors probed and couldn’t gage what he wouldn’t show;
'Gage' should be gauge, unless that's an American spelling I'm unfamiliar with.


FAVOURITE LINES:
I really love that last stanza. I think that's where you nailed it, both in summing up the whole poem and poetically speaking. You note that the last stanza you deliberately 'strayed from the form to show a link between the past and present'. I'm actually not sure what you meant by that, but I do feel that the last stanza was your strongest, and so it leaves the reader feeling satisfied (albeit a little angry at people who treat others the way your son has been treated).


FINAL NOTE:
Thank you so much for sharing your poem. I know there are a number of people on the site who are either on the autism spectrum or who have family members on it, so I know you will find others who understand and empathise. Equally, there will be others like myself who don't see things the same way because we've never had to, and your poem can teach and illuminate, showing us what it is like to be judged by others for something that maybe should be appreciated instead. A really interesting read, thank you.
Elle



My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .