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 Review #4242060 |
 | The admirer  [E] The artist saw this beautiful girl at his performances for the third time.  |
| (3.0)| Hello Igor! I found your story on the link for Read a Newbie. I will give you my honest opinion and hope you find this feedback useful. Plot: A middle-aged actor believes a returning young woman in the audience is there only for him, but she disappears each time he tries to meet her. Style and Voice: third-person, limited. Scene/Setting: An actor looking out at the audience sees the same young woman that has attended many of his performances. Characters: Paul, other supporting characters, and Tatiana, a ghostly figure. Dialogue: Little dialogue, it was mostly a narrative with items Paul is thinking or remembering. Grammar and Mechanics: There are several comma mishaps, double words "the the." Suggestions: Put story aside for a few days, then read it aloud from a printed copy. The errors may pop out at you. Shorten some of your descriptive sentences (example who was playing what role in which play). Readers may lose focus if the scenes are not moving the story forward. Keep writing every day, it is a muscle to be exercised and you'll see improvements. Thank you for sharing your story. Write On! GaelicQueen  ** Image ID #1940845 Unavailable **
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