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 Review #4240421 |
 |  | A Little Bird Told Me  [13+] Ken has a phobia, don't we all.  |
| (4.5)  A "Game of Thrones"  Martell Review   HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"  Aloha, Two of Four, and once again, happy belated 14th 'birthday' on here! Crows have been featured in horror stories for a long time, maybe because some people consider seeing them as a messenger of impending doom. Stephen King used one in the opening scene of his movie, The Stand, and Alfred Hitchcock had his own movie, The Birds, which might have been the cause Ken’s ‘childhood trauma’. This piece started out really good; you did a nice job of setting the scene and keeping the action moving, and the description of the crows with their black beady eyes was creepy. Having ‘Simba’ (perfect name!) there was a nice touch, but the ending was a bit of a disappointment, at least for me. Maybe because I’m not sure I understood it. It almost seemed like you were trying to add a little humor to it, and (unless you had a word count) it ended kind of abruptly. But perhaps I was looking for a more spectacular (for lack of a better word) ending. Don’t get me wrong; I liked the story up to that point. Having the lightning flash and the thunder booming built up the tension, and the crows gathering together and then bashing themselves against the glass doors was great. The spelling and grammar were flawless and the presentation was good, but having Ken going from having such a fear of birds to him picking them up and taking them to the bird lady to save them seemed a little out of his character. I’d think he would have just left them there. Please note that these are only suggestions, and in no way meant as any criticism of your writing. Just yesterday I received a ‘scathing’ review of one of my own stories, which I truly appreciated because I already knew it wasn’t very good, and his comments were welcome and deserved. But I didn’t tell him that it was one of my ‘younger’ stories that I should have let ‘grow up’ some more before I released it into in the world.  Kee ponw ritin gon, thank you for sharing your work with us, and have great day! 
  My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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You responded to this review 07/20/2016 @ 3:59pm EDT