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 Review #4224688 |
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 Horsewoman, First of all, I am gonna share a link to one of my stories with you:
I hope you enjoy it. It is Non-Fiction. That is one of the reasons I chose to read and review "Lost and Found" -- because it is Non-Fiction as well.  I am reading and reviewing it because it is Non-Fiction and Western.I am writing this review as part of this activity: "a very Wodehouse challenge" So on to the meat of this review: Okay, well, if you have taken the time to read about my horse adventure, you realize I know very little about horses but... I would never have describe horses as "flight-prone prey animals" -- especially the prey part. Perhaps this is a fitting description but for the sake of your uneducated readers, you might want to use a different description to emphasize the difference between a dog and a horse. Also, aren't some horses known to have stuck with their masters through thick and thin? (Again, my knowledge of horse comes primarily from reading Black Beauty as a child.) I like your phrasing: the human/animal relationship bond thing Although I would drop the word either from the end of that sentence. You wrote: Buster and I had only first met that morning. 6 hours previously our first interaction had been for me to take him away from his morning hay and throw a saddle on his back. I'd suggest: Buster and I had only just met when I took him away from his morning hay and threw a saddle on his back. I might suggest: "bigger-than-you" to make this phrase a sort of one word description. A solid suggestion next. (One I know from experience. Get rid of thats! You have 24 of them and probably could get by with five or six. I do that all the time.  I love this paragraph: I was on a round-up. Not a “City Slickers” kind of round-up, where people actually pay for the privilege to get more dirty, exhausted and sore than they‘ve ever been in their life. No, this was the real thing. Real Cowboys and Cowgirls riding 8 to 10 hours a day in search of 600 head of cattle to be found and returned back to the “krills” (Cowboy lingo for corrals) for transport to summer pasture. I was a greenhorn, as they call the inexperienced at all this. That admittedly had more than a little to do with the predicament I found myself in. It sets the scene for me. Ewww... I do not like that HE essentially ordered the Horsewoman to stay put. grrr.... Poor Buster -- "lathered neck" -- this was not a good situation for him -- poor thing. As you assess the situation, this sentence moves me: It was apparent that I was now more isolated and alone than I probably had ever been in my entire life. I won't post the whole paragraph but I really enjoyed reading it. I think there are some punctuation issues -- but that is not my forte -- you might seek some punctuation help from someone who knows more than I do about it. Probably fixing punctuation for the whole story might be a good idea -- only don't let the grammarians cause you to disrupt the flow of your story -- which is great! Let me reiterate: I really like that paragraph. You were "deserted" -- there was "total quiet" -- well, almost -- I could hear it -- the quiet, the bird sounds, Buster -- for me, he made that raspberry like sound horses make -- as they blow air through their lips. You wrote: I surprisingly found myself becoming rapidly rather blissful. I would cut the word surprisingly. The sentence is better without it -- but I want you to know, I was right there with you. I can pause right this moment and feel it. The sensation was building for me til I came to this word: "anachronism". I didn't know what it meant. I googled the definition and understood then what you meant but I suggest you lose the five-dollar word and figure out a way to express that idea so that a dummy like me would not have to stop reading to look up the definition. (BTW - I am not really a dummy. I am an intelligent and educated woman but I had to look it up.) One grammatical correction I can make: "Busters’" needs to be Buster's. I understood your moment of sadness. I understood what you had gained. Awesome experience! I am only giving you four stars but my reading experience was at least four and a half -- maybe more! Write On!  My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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