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 Review #4223042 |
 | It Started Out Bad, But Ended Great  [18+] They saved up for the perfect anniversary/vacation. It's not what they got though.  |
| (4.0)  Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! Howdy, PureSciFiPlus! First off, congratulations on the 'Cramp' victory! This isn't bad, but I wasn't expecting that ending. But I guess Dyvon probably wasn't either!  I don't read as much sci/fi I used to, but I like that idea of that floater thing, as well as how you used the term about being 'involved with each other' after their cuddle sessions. And it even had a happy ending, considering it wasn't the greatest anniversary vacation they could have had. Sorry to be so picky, but I did see a couple of tiny niggles you might want to check: 'Dyvon walked right into the Sleeper in that Unit after the entrance sled open – and he walked in.' (kind of redundant-you said he walked in twice. Also, shouldn't that be 'slid' open?) "...break something just trying(.)” Dyvon asked...' (should be a comma) Otherwise, nice job! Kee ponw ritin gon, and have a great day! PS-I don't think you're a Newbie, but this 2nd account says you were started on here on April 16th, 2016, which is why I have that Newbie message at the top of this. I'm guessing that's the date when this 2nd account was started, right? PSS-I read your bioblock-caveman days? You're only 5 years older than I am-we are not Cavemen!
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