OVERALL SENSE: Anaiya is running from three boys who seem to what to do her harm. It didn't take much to tick them off, whatever she does seems to be their business, like the library book that seem to catch their interest. Living, feeling danger at every turn wasn't Anaiya's way of living. She had done nothing to irritate these boys, but they didn't like her for reasons of their own. Making this sudden decision, she escaped into the dark, ominous forest nearby.

         TITLE APPEAL: "The Banished Angel: Persecution" is the first chapter. Intriguing title, it gives off a mysterious façade that I need to find out the whys and what is going to happen next.

         STYLE/VOICE: The style is fantasy.

The voice stays with Anaiya, who just wants to be left alone. She seems to have to keep vigil on where these three boys are, because when they spot her, she in for a lot of pain.

         TONE: This trio of boys seems to be bitter and Anaiya seems to be the target of their bitterness.

         MOOD: Anaiya seems like a kind, gentle girl while Cassius, Derrick, and Jaron are filled with rage with egos thinking they're are better.

         SCENE/SETTING: The scene and setting takes place in a community near a dark forest where no one dares to go. Caught into a corner with no where else to go, Anaiya decides the forest had to be safer than being hounded by these three boys.

         CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT: Anaiya is the main character, she is a sweet girl that doesn't remember what made these three boys pick on her and hurt her most of the time. There is something about them that knows only evil things to do, doesn't have a kind heart in the bunch. Why is that?

Personality: Hateful and mean-spirited describes Cassius, Jaron, and Derrick.
Sweet, innocent, a true angel describes Anaiya. How can anyone be mean to her?

Motivation: Not sure what the motivation is.

         PLOT: The sequence of events leading to the "why" things happened isn't made too clear. Even Anaiya wonders why Cassius is so mean to her. He seems to be the leader who suspects her of something, but what?

Plot STRUCTURE: I was introduced to some important background. The setting is a community near a forest, there is no name. The dialogues, character's thoughts along with great descriptions, and narration makes this chapter a good start to your novel.

         Conflict: The conflict is between Anaiya and the three boys— Especially Cassius.

         }Climax: The point of greatest tension in a story is when the three boys had her trapped near a brick wall.

         Development/Pace: Did the chapter serve a purpose? I feel it did.

Did you feel as though it was introducing something still to come, or did the story seem to stall? I feel the author wanted her characters made clear. There is a rift between a sweet, innocent girl and three boys.

After reading the chapter, did you feel as though you wanted to keep reading? Or did you find yourself bored and uninterested? I'll keep reading just to find out what is going on. Is there a bigger reason Cassius and his group are like they are towards Anaiya.

GRAMMAR/SPELLING/SENTENCE STRUCTURE: I didn't find any errors. Good job!

AREAS FOR IMPROVEMENT: NONE

LINES I LIKED: Anaiya was running, running as fast as she could. A simple trip or slip would be her downfall—not that she had very far left to fall anymore. She turned a corner and managed to stop just before crashing into the brick wall she almost ran headlong into. A dead end. The girl burst into silent tears of fear. She was caught, snared like a hare in a trap, with no chance of escape.

WHY I LIKED THIS QUOTE: I feel this beginning is a great attention getter. It made me want to read on. I also want to know what Anaiya was so afraid of. Is she going to be alright as she enters the forest that everyone seems to fear.



Take care now, keep on writing, I’ll keep on reading,

Shadow Stalker🕷️ Jeannie



My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .