The title is what originally drew me to this poem. It brought a lot to the imagination of whether this poem would be sci fi, a love story, a metaphor, or a ton of other things. So, I like your choice of title because it draws the reader in and gets them interested (or me at least). I like that you start and end the poem with flipping a switch, it gives it a good frame in which the events transpire. I also like that you chose a the rise and fall of the sun to occupy your character because it alludes to the rise and then fall of the character. I don't really understand why "dance and flutter" is separated similar to "heart of steel" "I love you", it felt somewhat out of place to me. However, I do like that you played around with your type to make certain lines stand out. That's unique and draws the readers eyes around the poem. I guess something else I'd like to see with this poem is more! I'd like to see more imagery surrounding their relationship. I don't feel invested when I'm only given the hand holding and the face. Their relationship passes like a movie: what does she see? Have they only been sitting there holding hands? Is he her creator? I feel like I'm missing something (which might just be me). I like the language you use and your word choice--I feel this poem flows very well. That's why I'd like to see more. I feel like I got a taste of this incredible thing going on and I'd just like to see what else you can do with language to reveal more of this relationship. But that's just me. Keep up the good work!

Thanks again! And write on!

GROUP

The WDC Angel Army  (ASR) Dedicated to promoting positivity, encouragement, and support to the WDC community. #1188309 by iKïyå§ama

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .