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Hi lauraispracticingpiano,
This is a fantastic story. The tone is full of anxiety and tension. It grips the reader's heart and makes them want to read on. The reader is pulled along by suspense here. They want to know what has happened and will happen to the person, and they will read to the last word to find out. The plot is straight forward and moves along logically. The story is about someone who unexpectedly joins the dead. The conflict is well defined. There is no doubt about what is going on here. The characterization is full developed and believable. The person in the story comes across as a real person. The dialogue is sparse but realistic. Charlie speaks like I would expect in this situation. The description is detailed and vivid. It puts the reader all the way into the story. The story is well structured and consistent in terms of point of view and tense. You have accomplished a great deal in just a few words. Great job.