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 Review #4169811 |
 | What Was Watching Me  [ASR] ever feel like your being watched when no one is around?  |
| (4.0)| Hello, Mr. Sideburns! I found your story on the sidebar to Read a Newbie. I will give you my honest opinion and hope you find this feedback useful.  Overall Impression: A creepy story in time for Halloween. Plot: Young couple buys a house with a rumored history that it was haunted. Style and Voice: First person, narrative. It read similar to an entry in a journal. Some of Edgar Allen Poe's work gave me a similar feeling. Scene/Setting: Moving day, busy putting household together. The woman sees glowing eyes in the distance as she looks out the kitchen window at night. Later in bed she sees a shadowy hand pulling the closet door open. (Question: If entity is in the closet, how is it pulling the door open? Does the door open into the closet? That seems a little awkward. My closet doors open outward into room.) Characters: Un-named couple. Dialogue: None. Grammar and Mechanics: I found minor syntax and grammar anomalies (misused pronouns). You had a beginning, middle and ending - creepy ending. Suggestions: Give your characters names, a little dialogue between them about what is occurring let's them show and tell the story. Otherwise, let it rest a day or so then read it aloud to catch the anomalies.Thank you for sharing your story. Write On! GaelicQueen  ** Image ID #1940845 Unavailable **
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