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Review #4163243
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Review by Nixie 🦊 Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: | (4.0)
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Hi there. Nixie, here.





Overall Impression
I had a difficult time not comparing my recently-deceased dad to Lisa's. My dad was stoic and silent. No one in my family kissed or hugged each other. Maybe that's why I ended up spending my free time writing. Writing saved me as a kid.

A few thoughts
Not to ignore the story, and go on about myself, but character identification is the touchstone of readable fiction. Once I'm on the character's side, I'm there to stay.

This chapter had a sensation of breath-holding, waiting and wondering what would happen. So far, no one has died in a car wreck, and I hope that's not the next step for this work.

One suggestion would be to take this from passive to active. Search out and replace sentences with the passive verb was. It comes in many forms. Not using it pushes writers to plumb deeply within their minds for alternatives. It also brings the story to light.

It would also make Lisa more alive.

Lasting Impression
The last line encourages the reader to continue, but it's not something I prefer, once my fate is set with the character. There's no way Lisa could see into the future and make that statement. For me, that's authorial intrusion, though I've seen others do the same. Like I said, I'm just one reader with an opinion. And a gone father who never seemed like he was anywhere while he was alive. Not to be morose, there are some golden moments with him I'll treasure forever. See how you have me linked to the story? Good work.



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