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 Review #4163064 |
| Hi, Nate. Nixie, here. Welcome to WDC from  "Newbie Welcome Wagon"  ! Overall Impression Fantastic plot! After reading the story, I checked your portfolio comments and bio, wondering if you had traveled to India. I saw no such indication, so you must excel at researching. Your narrative plunked me right into the setting. A few thoughts I enjoyed the capitalized words as they appeared throughout the story, but you exercised caution, stopping before the quirkiness became tiresome. This in-depth look into Eli's thoughts and background fascinated me. From the beginning, I fell into step beside him, learning about what he was escaping from, even though he considered it forward moving. The dialogue between Eli and Mason uncovered the past, with vague mentions of what had happened to Eli. Later, we hear most of the story. While the conversation was one of bantering, I liked the spike in emotions when Eli said Mason could not understand what Eli had been through. Which is true for most everyone. And speaking of shock. Eli was thrown into a dizzying confusion as I watched him absorbing New Delhi. The capitalization of nouns began again, at times I wondered if I was reading German. (just kidding) I recognize this as your brand, your style of writing. It sickens me to see one person of lesser income defer to a person with money, as transpired in this story. With the introduction of Kapoor, it seemed like Eli was back on more familiar territory. Their conversation held a dry humor. Eli somehow knows Kappor had served, which carried the dialogue in a new direction. It reminded me of the oft-heard phrase, it's more likely a person will die in a car on the way to the airport than during a flight. Lasting Impression Everything about your work is fresh and original. I'm hopeful we'll be stepping out of Eli's head and more into the world of dialogue and action. Maybe that won't work for this story, though. The conclusion was a bit of a let down, although I have no suggestions on how to improve it. Keep up the good work!   My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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You responded to this review 10/04/2015 @ 3:01pm EDT