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 Review #4162960 |
| (4.5)| Hi, Spacey. Nixie, here. I found your poem here. "Drama Newsletter (September 30, 2015)" Congratulations! Welcome to WDC from  "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! Overall Impression As I read this, the thought crossed my mind that the words could be a metaphor for a person imprisoned by making bad choices in life, or trapped because of circumstances. Circumstances, like poverty, are not likely to be overcome. But people have choices, and we're free to choose and choose again. Our thoughts direct our lives. A few thoughts Because the narrator talks about forgiveness, the possibility of true incarceration may have been the purpose here. I'm horrified when I imagine my life behind bars, having no control over my life. One suggestion for aesthetics. The second to last line is off-balance with the other lines. It appears as a finger pointing. One way to keep the poem uniform, is to use enjambment. This means breaking a phrase and carrying it into the next line. For example, you might end the line with atone, and begin another with "for my cruel--" There are specific rules for using enjambment, this suggestion refers to one example of how to use enjambment. In the last line, there's a tiny typo. Im > I'm Lasting Impression Repeating the thought in the last line to refer back to the first was very effective in wrapping up this piece. With only a few lines, my mind whirled, pondering the possibilities and fretting over the literal interpretation. Nice work!   My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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